Oh wait, did 11 months of my life just fly by? I think it did.
Let’s start from the beginning…
I went back to work.
Back to work, full time.
I am a Speech-Language Pathologist, and have been for the past 13 years. Prior to the kids, I loved my job. I arrived to work early, everyday. I worked late a few days per week to complete projects, and if I couldn’t do that, then I completed my work at home that night. Or, I came in early the next day. Long story short, I was an overachiever… not to outshine anyone else, I just ENJOYED being detailed, organized, thorough, complete, early, and polished. I enjoyed having my work done and done well. I enjoyed my vacation time, too. Working for the school board has its perks… I can work my butt off all year, and live for Thanksgiving, winter break, spring break, and man oh man… SUMMER break! And maybe, just maybe if I had the time, I would work during the summer to make a little extra money… it was the icing on the cake.
After having my triplets, my entire life was consumed by them. From their time in the NICU, to bringing them home, to re-adjusting everything in our lives… things just weren’t the same! For years, I watched and admired women in my family and inner circle who stayed home with their children, and I understood where they were coming from. I too initially thought, "I’m going to do this… I’m going to stay home with my children, home school them, and teach them everything they need to know until preschool." I mean, mommy is the first teacher, right? But as time went on, and as they grew older, I noticed it wasn’t as cut and dry as I thought. I realized that my entire day comprised of feedings, burping, pumping breast milk, nursing, preparing, changing diapers, putting them down for naps, tidying up behind myself (not effectively cleaning), and trying to make sure I was looking half decent by the time my husband walked in the door each evening. Some days, I was just surviving. This stay at home mommy stuff was so much harder than I thought it would be! And I found myself comparing… when in reality I couldn’t because those I was comparing myself to had only 1 child at home, or multiple children at different ages… not 3 infants. And then I noticed the stress and strain it was putting on me and my husband. I know what you’re thinking… 'raising kids in general is HARD WORK'. I know that, but I can only speak to our situation. So I decided, after a year at home with the kids, to go back to work part time, just to get my feet wet… but that turned into a full time opportunity that I felt I could not pass up. I explained the situation to David, and we discussed it at length. This was my choice, but we both needed to be on the same page about it, because this was yet another major change that would impact both of us and the kids. So I applied, then interviewed, was offered the job, and took the position! I was thrilled, I was excited and I was TERRIFIED!!
Work:
Cue the mommy shamers…
“You have triplets and you’re working?”
“Oh, you would never catch me working another day in my life if I had triplets”
“I would NEVER put my kids in daycare.”
“Is David making you work?”
“You know there are loans you can take out if you need help, right?”
“How do you get anything done if you’re working?”
“I would never let a daycare raise my kids.”
“...Oh, I feel SO SORRY for you.”
Yup…those are just a few of the comments made to me when I returned to work… and I still hear some of them today. *Note, I will NOT get into my response to these comments.*
So as you can imagine, this first year back to work was a difficult one. I went through every emotion you can imagine... excitement, fear, guilt, worry… it was a constant internal battle and I felt as if no one truly understood. I realize that everyone will have an opinion, I get it. But unconsciously or not, people have a way of saying things that put others down and those comments sometimes stay with you. They did for me. So on those days when I was shining... I brushed it off, but on those days where I was struggling… stressed… feeling like a “hot mess”, those words stung. I appreciated the many women in my inner circle who encouraged me and kept me going. And I appreciated my colleagues who covered me when I needed it, or just listened when I needed to vent. Some days they didn’t know what I was thinking or feeling internally, and they may not even realize how much they blessed me, but they did.
Momming:
The thing is… it wasn’t just at work, I had another full time job at home. Mommy. When leaving work each day I had a choice, stay a little later and finish some work, run errands, run home and prep for the evening, catch a doctors appointment, or pick up the kids from school. Working for the school board has its perks when it comes to time, because I can finish the work day early enough to get a variety of things done. I knew, once I picked up my crew from school, we were moving at 80 mph from then until bedtime. And the children don’t understand body language or facial cues just yet, and frankly, if they did they probably wouldn’t care. When they came home from school, they wanted mommy's undivided attention. Pick me up, carry me, feed me a snack, give me a cup of water, attention… forget about making dinner, laying out PJ’s for the night, changing out of your work clothes, or clearing the kitchen… it’s all about David, Ariel and Jaslyn. It took some adjusting, but I think we finally got the hang of things by the end of the school year. Haha. Starting with me coming home before picking them up, (even if I had just 15 minutes)… like superwoman I would fly through the house… laying out their PJ’s, emptying the washer machine, running the dryer, clearing the dishwasher, cleaning out the sink, changing my clothes, letting the dog out, feeding him, and deciding what’s for dinner. That quick stop would quite literally save me. That might I add, was another perk… work, home and the children’s school were all within a short distance of one another.
Wifey:
So in the above portion of this post I mentioned I had another full-time job… would it surprise you if I mentioned I have a third full-time job, too? Wife. Please don’t confuse the order of these jobs, just because I discussed my speech job first. These are not order specific based on this post. I was a wife before I was a mother, and David is a HUGE part of my life. Let’s be real for a moment. You ever hear the phrase, “Behind every good woman is a good man”? Or vice-versa? It’s true. When you see me, you see David. I’m not going to get all sappy on you because that’s not the purpose of this post, but I must admit, I COULD NOT survive this year without my husband. I know it was my decision to return to work, but as a couple, we had to discuss it and decide if it was right for our family. We had to look at the schedule, the budget, the time, everything, and decide if it would work out. And when we were in the heat of it, you know, not when the kids are snuggled in bed... I mean… tantrums, fussiness, hungry and exhausted babies, sick children, asthma attacks, driving to the emergency room in the middle of the night, heat of it. You NEED someone who is going to go through all of the crazy with you, and hang on tight. Hold your hand. Rub your back. PRAY with you. Reassure you. Question you to ensure your plan makes sense. Someone to just be there… and that is us. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again… I do not compare our lives to anyone else’s. I don’t claim to believe our lives are harder than, more complicated than, or crazier than others… but some days it’s just hard. And some days you just don’t want to play nice, or smile, or see the bright side. And some days you’re just utterly exhausted. And other days you’re hopeful, excited, ecstatic, thankful, relieved, and just grateful for all you have. THAT IS US. Thank you David. :)
Sickness:
Just when I thought I had this working-mother-of-triplets thing figured out, there was a monkey wrench we weren’t expecting. Sickness. I think this year we experienced more sickness in our home, than ever before. Cold viruses, RSV, flu, pink eye, asthma attacks, ear infections, high fevers, strep throat, pneumonia.. You name it, we (someone in the Payne household) had it. Some days I honestly thought man, did I actually think going back to work would be a good idea? Other days I blamed myself, because I felt that maybe if my children weren’t in school, and I wasn’t working a job with children, that maybe we all wouldn’t be so sick. One of us was bringing everything home, one of us was the culprit! But the growth we saw in our children, the friends they made, the love they had for their teachers made the difference for us. Our children were happy, thriving, maturing and they could not have been in a better placement for that. And I was happy, and thriving, and enjoying my time as an adult in the real world doing what I loved. And I’m so glad we stuck it out. I’m so thankful we didn’t give up. The growth our family made during this year was paramount… and I’m looking forward to this upcoming year.
Make a wish:
Now that we’ve survived their first year at home with me. Then a year with mommy back to work. What is my wish as we enter into their next year of life? I just want to see them continue to grow and thrive. I look forward to the kids’ language exploding. Currently they are age-appropriate with their language skills, but the Speech-Language Pathologist in me wants to see that grow even more and include great articulation skills. I also would like to see them continue to grow developmentally and academically… which they have, but I love seeing all they discover and all they learn. They are EAGER to share and EAGER to show off, and we love it! I look forward to this upcoming school year as a professional, to see if I can have a better handle on things earlier on in the year. Last year took some re-adjustment, even if I was out for only a year. The overachiever in me hadn’t gone away, I just had to re-adjust a bit. :) I look forward to more family outings during the school year, more date nights with David, and more visits with family. And last but not least, I look forward to more self-care. I’ll admit, even though my children are approaching 2 years old in a few weeks… I haven’t mastered the art of taking better care of myself. I put my children and husband before myself in just about every situation. When I say self care, I’m not talking about anything major. Just something here and there to take care of me...I do a few things now, but I want to focus on more. Starting with more time at the gym. I’m writing this here to hold myself accountable… set a challenge for myself. Any mamas want to join me on this one? Let me know! :)
So what does mommy need when deciding to go back to work?
-A plan
-A support system
-Patience
-Self-care
-Prayer… lots and lots of prayer
-A job she loves
-and a ghostwriter to write all of her blog posts! Kidding :)
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. And thank you for your patience!!! More posts coming soon, promise. :) xoxo, Monet